Pregnancy: Round 2 June 7, 2009

Or: Why yes, you really DO block out the shitty parts of pregnancy once you pop out that kid.

Being pregnant the second time is HARD people. Not only is it harder on your body (which, BTW, must feel those hormones and go, “Oh, hey, we know what to do. Lets loosen up all your joints. Can’t walk? Oops. Sorry about that), but you already have a kid. 2 year olds don’t like to be neglected. CPS doesn’t like you to neglect your 2 year old either (Note to CPS, I’m not neglecting her. I promise). All that time I spent feeling sorry for myself during my first pregnancy because I was SO tired and SO sick? Yeah, I should have been thankful that I didn’t have to change a poopy diaper with nausea, or chase around a toddler outside when I could barely keep my eyes open.

And the joint thing I mentioned above? HOLY SHIT. I don’t need my pelvis to start spreading out in April when I’m not due until OCTOBER. If  someone were to submit a video of me to LOLcats, the caption would likely be “Pregnancy waddle: I has it”.

Speaking of what will now be known as “the waddle”, my enormous belly doesn’t make this any better. If one more person asks me if I’m having twins, I might punch them. I AM NOT HAVING TWINS. I already had an ultrasound. While we’re on this topic, when I TELL you there is only one baby in there, saying “Oh, my mother’s brother’s best friend’s sister’s boss’s maid’s barista thought that too, but one was hiding. She had no idea until she gave birth”. IT IS NOT TWINS. You might as well just say “Gee, Jess, you sure do look gigantic. You must be growing two babies in there, because there is no way a woman that is 5 months pregnant should be such a whale”. Thanks. I’ll just go cover myself in sand on the beach and see if someone from Sea world tries to rescue me.